


Wish I was...

by Anemone_lj



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Conan Gray Song, M/M, Misunderstanding, Sad Kim Seungmin, Worried Felix, best boy Seungmin, implied cheating but not really, tagging is hard, what else?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:28:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25989760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anemone_lj/pseuds/Anemone_lj
Summary: Is Seungmin and Hyunjin's relationship really on the verge of breaking? Or is it all in Seungmin's head? Oh? Who's this girl?
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 65





	Wish I was...

Seungmin smiled sadly as he gazed out of the window. They were on break, A lot of his classmates had already left the room. And yet he's still here watching the soccer players do their routine.

His boyfriend Hyunjin is one of them. He can't really see which one is his boyfriend since its far enough that he's able to see if there were people.

"Seungmin?" He looks at the owner of the voice and sees his bestfriend Felix.

"Let's go?" Seungmin nods and grabs his wallet, not saying anything if Felix noticed the sadness behind his smile.

As they walk through the corridors to the cafeteria a girl walks by him. He recognizes her.

" _No wonder... she's really pretty..._ " he whispers.

"Seungmin? Did you say something?"

Seungmin smiles and shakes his head, "It's nothing."

His hands that were hidden inside the hoodies pockets clenched. He lets out a quiet sigh and puts on a convincing smile as he was greeted by Jisung and Minho.

***

Seungmin sat at the stands waiting for Hyunjin. His eyes only following Hyunjin. Hyunjin's hair is tied into a little pony tail. A few stray hair framing his face beautifully.

He stands there one foot stepping on the ball as he gives out commands. His muddy but the large number 22 on his back still visible.

Then he sees her. Black hair tied into a high ponytail. He watches as Hyunjin runs to her quickly. Eyes disappearing as he laughs at something she said.

Seungmin tries to stop the tears from falling out of his eyes and stands up to go to the vending machine near.

He lets his head lean on the glass of the vending machine as he waited for his drink. He takes a deep breath and takes the drink.

_Banana Milk..._

Seungmin sighs again and walks slowly back to the stands. She was already gone. Hyunjin sat at the place where his sat not long ago. His clothes already clean and hair from his shower.

_How long was he gone?_

Hyunjin notices him and waves, already taking Seungmin's things with him before making his way to Seungmin.

He stops a few feet away from him scans him up and down before nodding, "You really look better in my hoodies."

Seungmin smiles and offers another banana milk which he bought for Hyunjin.

He steals a glance at Hyunjin who was chugging down the milk.

"Hyunjin."

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

Hyunjin stops walking and smiles at him. He grabs Seungmin's arms and dives for the latters lips, keeping their lips together for a few seconds before whispering, "I love you too."

***

The next time he sees her, was in a joint cooking class. They were partnered together. She introduced herself as Yeji.

The more he knows her during that class the more he dies inside. How can he hate her when she's such an angel?

Seungmin smiles when Yeji asked if he was alright.

***

He sees them together again. He had just arrived at the field. His music teacher held him back for something so he arrived just after practice was done.

Hyunjin had his arm around Yeji's shoulder. He was leaning down a bit whispering something to Yeji as she nods. She gestures something with her hands thats when he noticed she was wearing a black and blue hoodie... similar to Hyunjins... similar or...

Seungmjn shakes his head amd continues walking. Yeji nodded her head one last time before turning to leave. When she saw Seungmin she smiled and waved.

Hyunjin greets him with a kiss to his temple, "Sir. Moon kept you again?"

"Yeah," he answers quietly.

"Is something wrong Minnie?"

Seungmin shakes his head and smiles.

***

Seungmin sat at the garden, Felix reading a korean book beside him. Saying something about improving on korean. He would have helped if his mind wasn't too preoccupied.

Hyunjin and Yeji stood together infront of the dance room. They don't seem to notice that Seungmin and Felix are at the garden just infront of the room. There are other students in the garden so he wouldn't be too suprised when they dont notice.

Hyunjin is leaning against the wall near the door. His bag hanging on one shoulder, already dressed in his practice clothes.

Yeji standing right infront of him bag on her back, also on her practice clothes.

" _So they both dance..._ " 

Hyunjin laughed at something she said, eyes turning into crescent moons.

"He must like her better than me..."

"Seung..." Felix suddenly calls. He watches as his bestfriend put away the book he was reading. Felix takes his hand in his, "You know you can tell me what's wrong."

"I'm your bestfriend... it also hurts me to see you hurting..."

A tear falls from Seungmin's eye. Seungmin just smiled sadly at Felix, "Stay at mines?"

Felix mimics Seungmin's smile and nods before they stood up to go to their class.

***

Mr. Moon held him back again today. Asking him to perform at the upcoming event.

"Why me?"

"You're one of my best students. The others will also perform together. I'm just asking you to perform the solo."

Seungmin stares at Mr. Moon.

Singing... the only thing he can be best at.

"I'll think about it."

Mr. Moon smiles and grabs his hand, "You know singing out your feelings helps. Well... atleast thats what I think so. If you have a hard time expressing your feelings, music can help."

Seungmin stares at Mr. Moon with wide eyes, "I-"

Seungmin couldn't say anything else so he just nods.

***

At his home he tells Felix his worries. His heart ache. He cries it all out.

He already told Hyunjin that he would go home with Felix so he didn't wait at the field. But he saw Hyunjin and Yeji together when they left school.

He tells Felix that Hyunjin might not love him anymore. That his love is already mesmerized by someone prettier than him.

Seungmin lies on his bed, head pillowed by Felix's lap. He had long stopped crying. He still wanted to cry, he also wanted laugh, he wanted to be angry. He doesn't understand anything anymore. 

His body shivers from the cold. Felix notices so he covers Seungmin with a blanket.

But the warmth wasn't enough. He still felt cold.

His mind goes back to Hyunjin and Yeji...

"I wish I was her..."

"Don't... Seungmin... I don't really know what to say right now. I wish I know what to tell you to make you feel better. But I don't know what to say... But please don't say that..."

"You being here gives me enough comfort..."

They fall silent again. Only the sound of the radio could be heard. The song transitions to another.

He remember's what Mr. Moon said.

"Lix..."

"Hmm?"

"I'm going to accept Mr. Moon's request. I'm... going to sing... Do you think I'll be alright?"

"... You'll be fine... You're the best person I know. So of course you'll be alright."

"... thanks..."

***

A few weeks later the preparations have been done. Different stalls and booths are placed inside the school building and in the garden and field.

The auditorium decorated and prepared for the performances.

Seungmin stood backstage with Felix. He was dressed in a white inner shirt and a blue cropped sweater. **(A/N: His outfit in Never Ending Story stage)**

The other music students were still performing. Felix stood beside him holding his hand to calm his nerves.

Hyunjin was in the audiences. He could see where his love sat from the back stage. Beside him was Yeji...

Mr. Moon approaches him and says thats he'll be up in a minute. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He smiles at Felix before following the student who posed as a staff.

The curtains close and the group exits the stage, they wish him luck as they pass him. He stood at the center of the stage, mic infront of him.

He takes another takes another deep breathe before closing his eyes.

He hears the curtain open and the music starts. The audience was silent. Waiting. 

After a few seconds he starts singing

_I still remember_

_Third of December_

_Me in your sweater_

_You said it looked better_

_On me, than it did you_

_Only if you knew_

_How much I liked you_

_But I watch your eyes, as she_

Seungmin opens his eyes, letting his eyes roam around the audience but not making eye contact with Hyunjin or Yeji.

_Walks by_

_What a sight for_

_Sore eyes_

_Brighter than a_

_Blue sky_

_She's got you_

_Mesmerized_

_While I die_

He feels a tear slide down his his cheek. He can see from the corner of his eye that Hyunjin's expression have changed. He looked... worried... why... 

_Why would you ever kiss me?_

_I'm not even half, as pretty_

_You gave her your sweater_

_It's just polyester, but you like her better_

_Wish I were Heather_

_Watch as she stands with_

_Her holding your hand_

_Put your arm 'round her shoulder_

_Now I'm getting colder_

As he sang those words he felt a shiver run down spine. He suppresses the want to curl up to warm himself. 

_But how could I hate her?_

_She's such an angel_

_But then again, kinda_

_Wish she were dead, as she_

He feels a bit guilty... he didn't want her dead... he just... 

_Walks by_

_What a sight for_

_Sore eyes_

_Brighter than a_

_Blue sky_

_She's got you_

_Mesmerized_

_While I die_

_Why would you ever kiss me?_

_I'm not even half, as pretty_

_You gave her your sweater_

_It's just polyester, but you like her better_

_I wish I were Heather_

_Wish I were Heather_

_Wish I were Heather_

He sings and leaves the audience in awe.

_Why would you ever kiss me?_

_I'm not even half as pretty_

_You gave her your sweater_

_It's just polyester, but you like her better_

_Wish I were_

The song slowly fades but the hurt is still there. He lets another tear fall before he bows. He hears the audience cheer, and he leaves the stage. 

He throws himself unto Felix's waiting arms. He waits for more tears to come. But it doesn't. Instead he's left with a hurting heart. 

"Minnie." 

He hears the familiar voice call out. It made his heart hurt but it also... calmed him down. 

"Love..." 

Felix rubs his back and whispers, "Go talk to him." 

Seungmin nods and untangles himself from Felix. He faces Hyunjin, whoose face is full of worry. 

Hyunjin holds out his hand, Seungmin hesitates for a while before taking it. Hyunjin holds it tight in his, making sure that he won't be able to let go.

Hyunjin guides somewhere more private. They end up the back of the school, an extension of the garden. 

Hyunjin guides him lean on one of the trees. 

"What's wrong," Hyunjin cupped Seungmin's face with his warm hands. Thumb brushing away a stray tear. 

"Hey... why are you crying... I don't like seeing you like this..." Hyunjin caresses Seungmin's cheeks.

Seungmin doesn't answer and just stares at Hyunjin's eyes that's filled with worries. Seeing as Seungmin has no intention of answering makes the worry in Hyunjin intensify. 

He leans closer his forehead against Seungmins. 

"Minnie? Love? Did I do something? Please tell me... You look so hurt... I... don't like it... Did I hurt you? You're song... Love... why that song? That's not the type of songs Mr. Moon makes his students sing... So you probably choose it... Minmin... Love please tell me... " Hyunjin begged. Hyunjin suppressed the want to cry, he needs to makes Seungmin feel better. 

"Jinnie..." 

"Yes..." 

"I love you... I really really love you... You're the person I love the most..." 

"I love yo-" 

"That's why if you already love someone else... I'm willing to let you go." 

"what..." 

"You...she... how do I..." 

"Minnie what do you mean let go? You- you're breaking up with me?" Hyunjin couldn't stop the tears. 

"You... looked happier when she arrived..." 

"What..? who? Love I'm the happiest when I'm with you..."

"You don't have to worry about me. I'll let you go if thats what makes you happy. I mean she's prettier than me. She's literally an angel, compared to me. Hell Jisung even called me a devil once. She... she can do alot more things than me... She's actually like a sun when she smiles. She's so pretty she can turn peoples head... unlike me... not even half as-"

" WHAT ARE YOU SAYING! " Hyunjin shouts. His hands now on Seungmin's shoulder, as he leaned away from Seungmin's forehead to get a better look. 

" What are you saying... "

"Hyu-" 

"I have never loved anyone else other than you. I have never looked at someone else the same was I do to you. I'm never letting you go... no... I'll die if I do... I don't care if you think she's prettier than you who ever this person is. You're the prettiest person to me. I don't care if you're an angel or a demon. All I know is you're Kim Seungmin. The boy that I fell in love with. You're smile is the brightest I have ever seen. Whenever you smile you light up the room. So don't ever feel inferior to others... cause you're the best person to me... and..YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE I'LL EVER LOVE. "

Hyunjin pants, tears not stopping. 

"But-" 

Hyunjin pulls Seungmin to his chest, arms around the younger tight. 

"NO! I WON'T LET YOU GO... I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO... so please stop saying that you're willing to let me go cause I'm not..." 

"But Yeji..." 

"Yeji? What does Yeji got to do with this..? Wait... don't tell me..." 

Seungmin just stares at Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin sighs letting his forehead touch Seungmin's, "Omygod... I love you so so so so much... you're lucky I love you. I should've introduced you two... god..." 

"Hyun-" 

"No~ don't call me that..." 

"....L-Love?" 

Hyunjin seals Seungmin's lips with his, "I love you so much." 

***

"Seungmin this is Yeji my cousin. Yeji this is my boyfriend Seungmin." 

"C-cousin?!" Seungmin exclaims. Hyunjin chuckles and boops Seungmin's nose. 

"Yes, cousin."

"I guess I cause trouble by not introducing myself properly... I thought it was pretty obvious. We're both Hwang, we look alike," Yeji chuckles.

Now that she mentioned it... they do... look alike.... almost like twins... 

"The only difference is you're short," Hyunjin teases, his arm locked around Seungmin's shoulder. 

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?!"

"I-I think I'm gonna faint..." Seungmin mumbles before he crouched down amd buried his face in his arms. 

_What the hell Seungmin?!_

Hyunjin panics and tries to make Seungmin stand continuously asking if he was ok. While Yeji just chuckled watching the two.

Yeji crouched infront of Seungmin, "Hey." 

Seungmin looks at Yeji and grumbles, "What?" 

"I'm also a lesbian." 

"AHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAHHHH!!" 

**Author's Note:**

> Song used is Heather by Conan Gray


End file.
